Weekly Update |   November 2, 2023

How to Teach Kids to Deal with Bullies

Dmitriy Zherebnenkov

If you haven’t encountered this question yet, you will sooner or later. How should a Christian instruct his son to deal with bullies? Should a son defend himself when he is being insulted? Statistics show that pretty much every teenager runs into bullying or harassment at some point. This is not an easy topic because it has to do with your gospel convictions and the fact that your son probably doesn’t yet have a saving faith and those same convictions. This is a difficult topic but it is the best place to show the principles of the gospel in action. Now, what is the biblical view on this situation?

We’ll start with the most difficult question for the father: What is more valuable, that your son would avoid insults and harassment or that he would come to know the power of the gospel? This is a foundational question and by nature we struggle with it since both things are valuable. But ultimately if we consider the weight of both things then what is more valuable? Of course, we know the right answer. But at the same time we don’t want our son to live in fear, lose his interest in learning, be intimidated, or even have various psychological ill effects. We want to say that the gospel is the most important, but… Oh how strong is this “but” in our minds, and it will determine our acceptance of the rest of the principles presented in this article.

Let’s begin in order. There are a few types of bullying: words, social, physical, and the harming of belongings. In this day and age physical bullying doesn’t compare with the emotional damage that often comes from bullying found on social media with mean words and threats. And unfortunately, such bullying is even found among the kids in the church.

1. Ask your kids directly about any bullying they experience. Those who are bullied tend to close themselves off and don’t share anything with their parents. Parents must have a close relationship with their kids to be able to discuss such matters. Kids must be able to find support and encouragement and even protection from you, the parents. Your experience, wisdom, prayer support, and participation are perhaps the only way to come out of such a situation. An important detail to note is that you should be confident that this is truly unjust bullying. It could be that there is mutual competition or even bullying in return to your son’s provocation. Oftentimes our kids are accepted by us by default as innocent angels that the world is trying to hurt. But if we’ll be honest, our kids often provoke others to bullying. Don’t rush to conclusions. Investigate this from different angles. Ask other kids and don’t only trust the story from your son’s point of view. Conflicts often have two sides.

2. Teach your kids to defend others who are bullied. “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matt. 7:12). It is well-known that when someone stands up for someone being bullied, that the wrongdoer almost immediately and almost always leaves their victim. There’s another element in this, that when your son stands up for someone else, he gives a signal that he has inner strength to stand up against evil and injustice. This may be a way that he himself may be spared by bullies. Although this isn’t always the case.

3. Teach your kids to seriously pray. “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven…” (Matt. 5:44-45). Such situations are a wonderful opportunity for your kids to grow in their trust for God, prayer, and faith. Of course, you should also pray for your son and his bullies. God can resolve any situation, more than we can even imagine! And it’s perhaps even possible that your son would see God’s answer to your prayer and may learn to live by faith.

4. Explain that is important to tell older people about bullying. There are laws against bullying in our schools, work, and society. We are within our rights to use these. It’s important to explain that when your son comes to someone older for help, he’s not betraying anyone or being weak; he’s actually showing care to those around. It’s very possible that he’s not the only one experiencing bullying from that individual. If this is so, and it’s almost always so, then your son is actually showing love and care to others who are being hurt. If for some reason he doesn’t do this, you should yourself go and talk to the teacher or even the parents of the bully.

5. Teach him to overcome evil with good. “’If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Rom. 12:20-21). Thing is, it’s often possible for your son to turn an enemy into a friend if he avoids a passive and dowtrodden attitude or aggressive fighting and attempts to pay them back. Abraham Lincoln once said, “The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.” This isn’t cunning; it’s the path of strength. This type of approach presumes humility and a greater trust in God because only He can actually change people’s hearts.

6. Teach your kids to be social. This is simple advice and a practical solution to bullying! Bullying is oftentimes directed toward lonely kids. Kids who are always surrounded by others are rarely bullied. When your son avoids others and isn’t friendly with his peers, he automatically joins the category of bullying victims. When your son will have friends and acquaintances in school or any other place, these friends will at a minimum make it harder for a bully to do evil.

7. Teach the Gospel wisdom. If you’ve already used all the previous ways to deal with bullying but they were unsuccessful, you will need to bring your son to make the next conscious decision. There are two ways he can go and they depend on the strength of his faith in the gospel and other biblical principles. 1) Turn the other cheek and not return evil for evil (Matt. 5:38-42). In this situation your son will be experiencing injustice for God’s sake. “For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly.” (1 Pet. 2:19) Doing this assumes a strong faith. 2) Pay the bully back or act from self-defense. But even this is to stop evil altogether. If you’ve tried to explain the first option to him and after trying to convince him he still doesn’t agree, then explain to him that if he will still try to stand up for himself then he needs to know that he is doing this for the sake of other people around him. By stopping this evil he is trying to stop the bully from also not bullying others. This is a spiritually weaker position and is dependent on how much faith your son has in the power of the Word. You need to have a plan how you’ll be leading your son from the second option to the first. Pray a lot that God would use this situation to bring your son to a living faith in the Savior!

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Continue supporting the churches working among the people who have suffered from the war in Ukraine: https://gfchurch.com/ukraine/

Below are the services and meetings for this weekend:

• Thursday (6:30 PM) – Kid’s Bible School (open to all but required for parents), followed by Bible Study (Proverbs) for the whole church at 7:30 PM.
• Saturday (9:00 AM) – Women’s prayer breakfast
• Sunday services:
  • Worship Service in Russian at 9:00 AM
  • Worship Service in English at 11:15 AM

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